Yeah, we sort of have a problem in this world. He tend to always pick on the little guy. But it's usually just the little men that we make fun of. Little Women, well, it's more than just a pretty good novel & some of us have a total thing for short chicks.
I'm not going to say who. I don't name names:
Self portrait.
But you know, short chicks have that super cute thing working for them & fuck you anyway. And if you are a certain sister that likes to point stuff like that out, yeah, that vulgarity was totally directed towards you.
Because it's completely understandable why men have things for short birds.
Short men, however, they usually don't have that whole "super cute" thing working for them. In fact if you are a short man there's usually a LOT of shit that goes along with your size & most of it comes from your friends & allies that are taller than you.
I know I've given my friends shit for being little...But I'm not going to say who they are, I don't name names.
But, you know, you're short, live with it, deal with it & the nicknames you get for being one of the little people.
Sometimes it's not just your friends that make fun of you for being little. Sometimes it's random people on the street, sometimes it is your co-workers, & sometimes it's even people in places of authority.
Some of it even comes from your boss.
No, that's not Ichabod Crane, that's Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln was really a very tall man. He was also sort of the boss, for the time that he was president & he had a very short employee working for him.
And even though he liked to make fun of some people that were a lot shorter than he was. If you are Abraham Lincoln, that means you get to make fun of just about everybody.
But Lincoln didn't rub it in with just about everyone. Lincoln targeted his short jokes to one singular person.
His name was General Philip Sheridan, he was only five-feet-five-inches tall & he absolutely hated Abraham Lincoln because President Lincoln would constantly make fun of how short he was.
Sheridan hated Lincoln because of names like "Little Napoleon," "The Little General," "The Tiny West Pointer," & jokes about how a man that small could actually mount his horse.
Lincoln's favorite was "Little Phil," & Sheridan really hated him because that particular nickname stuck.
Sheridan hated Lincoln but Lincoln absolutely loved Sheridan because he was the best at what he did. And what he did was lead the cavalry during the Civil War.
He started his military career at West Point & he almost didn't make it in because, like me, his spelling was absolute shit.
And before you ask, it was Sherman that made fun of his spelling, not Lincoln.
And he didn't do too well in West Point because his math skills were just as horrible as his spelling.
And he got suspended for a year for fighting with a classmate, William R, Terrill, who made fun of him for being short.
And he ended up graduating 34th in his class of 54. He didn't exactly set the world on fire when he was at West Point & his future as an officer was bleak.
That's Sheridan as a cadet & yes, he's the little guy in the middle. Looked sort of devilish didn't he?
Anyway. That short shit started his career in the military as a short officer with only a short hope for promotion. But then the Civil War started & it turned out that there was something that the Little Phil was exceptionally good at.
It was the same thing that this guy was really good at:
Sheridan & Patton both knew how to move people.
It turns out that, even though he needed a boost to actually mount his horse, once he was on the beast, he knew better than anyone else how to move a cavalry through a battle field. That's really all that matters, that & a little bravery.
Sheridan was excellent at taking a group of people & organizing them so that they could move around a battle field or a city faster & more successfully than just about anyone else & he did it without the flare & stupidity of the other cavalry general in the Union army that we all know by name & sight.
And unlike that guy, he didn't get everyone killed when he was out west fighting the Native Americans.
We are going to talk about how Little Phil got a street in Chicago named after him:
And that story has something to do with this:
We all know the story. Once upon a time there was one of these things.
For those of you not from the Midwest it is called a barn & inside of it are a lot of animals & a lot of things like hey & in the time before electricity there were lamps with open flames.
One of the animals inside the barn was a cow. Cows look a lot like this:
And that cow knocked over a lamp which burned down everything in the city except for this water tower
And this night club, which everyone says was used as a morgue & is haunted by the ghosts of the fire, but we all now that really didn't happen. It was never used as a morgue.
But it helps bring in the customers so we're just going to keep our mouths shut about that one.
The cow was owned by Patrick & Catherine O'Leary & the fire started at 9PM on 9 October on Dekoven Street.
But the thing is, the thing that most people don't tell you is that shortly after the fire, Catherine O'Leary admitted that she made the story of her cow up & that they didn't really accidentally start the Great Chicago Fire.
The cow got the blame, but it was really started by a person. Well a group of men, that were gambling illegally inside of the barn, so no one would see them & one of those men knocked over a lamp.
But if Mrs. O'Leary told everyone what actually happened she might have been in a hell of a lot more trouble...or people would have just turned a blind eye because, well, it's Chicago & we are the American city famous for corruption in a state famous for sending its governors to jail for corruption.
And despite this reputation, for some unknown reason, the American people decided to elect a Chicago politician into the Oval Office.
Now why the hell would America elect a Chicagoan to the highest office in the land given, you know, a little of this:
And a little of this:
And a whole lot of this & this:
I mean for the love of God, even my grandmother said:
Moving on...
Back in 1871 the Chicago fire departments had about 185 firefighters & about 17 hoses &, well, you've seen Gangs of New York. It was back in the day & back in the day things like fire departments were privatized & not a civil service & that caused a whole lot of problems
Private fire departments really only fought fires when homes & businesses that paid them for protection caught on fire.
Even today there are stories about private fire departments watching homes burn to the ground because the people didn't pay for fire protection.
It used to be the norm back in the day & it is totally becoming the norm in our new conservative world where people don't want to pay taxes for things like police & fire departments:
So, when the Great Chicago Fire actually happened, the fire department took a seat & waited until it spread to the people that paid them for their protection.
And in a city that meant that the fire was allowed to spread until it was well out of control & a lot of this happened.
Thankfully, however, there was a military base & a military prison in Chicago at the time & both were run by a tiny little man named Philip Sheridan
And that little man wasn't paid by private citizens to protect the city from fire. That little man was paid by the Federal Government through tax dollars & he was really good at organizing people.
So in the first few hours while the private fire departments were waiting for a paying customer to get hit, Sheridan was already organizing his soldiers into a response & once the fire got out-of-control he had the situation under hand & made the fire departments fall into line.
And after they saved what they could, he organized the relief & reconstruction of the city.
So now he has a street named after him & a statue in his honor & no one really takes the time to remember a tiny little man that saved as much of Chicago as he could.
And that is mainly because despite all of his hard work, the city was still monumentally fucked after the fire & that is what people remember, not the little man that worked his ass off to save it.
I'll leave you with this:
I'm not going to say who. I don't name names:
But you know, short chicks have that super cute thing working for them & fuck you anyway. And if you are a certain sister that likes to point stuff like that out, yeah, that vulgarity was totally directed towards you.
Because it's completely understandable why men have things for short birds.
Short men, however, they usually don't have that whole "super cute" thing working for them. In fact if you are a short man there's usually a LOT of shit that goes along with your size & most of it comes from your friends & allies that are taller than you.
I know I've given my friends shit for being little...But I'm not going to say who they are, I don't name names.
Sometimes it's not just your friends that make fun of you for being little. Sometimes it's random people on the street, sometimes it is your co-workers, & sometimes it's even people in places of authority.
Some of it even comes from your boss.
Abraham Lincoln was really a very tall man. He was also sort of the boss, for the time that he was president & he had a very short employee working for him.
And even though he liked to make fun of some people that were a lot shorter than he was. If you are Abraham Lincoln, that means you get to make fun of just about everybody.
But Lincoln didn't rub it in with just about everyone. Lincoln targeted his short jokes to one singular person.
Sheridan hated Lincoln because of names like "Little Napoleon," "The Little General," "The Tiny West Pointer," & jokes about how a man that small could actually mount his horse.
Lincoln's favorite was "Little Phil," & Sheridan really hated him because that particular nickname stuck.
Sheridan hated Lincoln but Lincoln absolutely loved Sheridan because he was the best at what he did. And what he did was lead the cavalry during the Civil War.
And before you ask, it was Sherman that made fun of his spelling, not Lincoln.
And he didn't do too well in West Point because his math skills were just as horrible as his spelling.
And he got suspended for a year for fighting with a classmate, William R, Terrill, who made fun of him for being short.
And he ended up graduating 34th in his class of 54. He didn't exactly set the world on fire when he was at West Point & his future as an officer was bleak.
Anyway. That short shit started his career in the military as a short officer with only a short hope for promotion. But then the Civil War started & it turned out that there was something that the Little Phil was exceptionally good at.
It was the same thing that this guy was really good at:
It turns out that, even though he needed a boost to actually mount his horse, once he was on the beast, he knew better than anyone else how to move a cavalry through a battle field. That's really all that matters, that & a little bravery.
Sheridan was excellent at taking a group of people & organizing them so that they could move around a battle field or a city faster & more successfully than just about anyone else & he did it without the flare & stupidity of the other cavalry general in the Union army that we all know by name & sight.
We are going to talk about how Little Phil got a street in Chicago named after him:
One of the animals inside the barn was a cow. Cows look a lot like this:
The cow was owned by Patrick & Catherine O'Leary & the fire started at 9PM on 9 October on Dekoven Street.
But the thing is, the thing that most people don't tell you is that shortly after the fire, Catherine O'Leary admitted that she made the story of her cow up & that they didn't really accidentally start the Great Chicago Fire.
The cow got the blame, but it was really started by a person. Well a group of men, that were gambling illegally inside of the barn, so no one would see them & one of those men knocked over a lamp.
But if Mrs. O'Leary told everyone what actually happened she might have been in a hell of a lot more trouble...or people would have just turned a blind eye because, well, it's Chicago & we are the American city famous for corruption in a state famous for sending its governors to jail for corruption.
And despite this reputation, for some unknown reason, the American people decided to elect a Chicago politician into the Oval Office.
"I want to be buried in Chicago so I can still vote for Daley."
Moving on...
Back in 1871 the Chicago fire departments had about 185 firefighters & about 17 hoses &, well, you've seen Gangs of New York. It was back in the day & back in the day things like fire departments were privatized & not a civil service & that caused a whole lot of problems
Even today there are stories about private fire departments watching homes burn to the ground because the people didn't pay for fire protection.
And in a city that meant that the fire was allowed to spread until it was well out of control & a lot of this happened.
So in the first few hours while the private fire departments were waiting for a paying customer to get hit, Sheridan was already organizing his soldiers into a response & once the fire got out-of-control he had the situation under hand & made the fire departments fall into line.
And after they saved what they could, he organized the relief & reconstruction of the city.
So now he has a street named after him & a statue in his honor & no one really takes the time to remember a tiny little man that saved as much of Chicago as he could.
I'll leave you with this:
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