I don't have diplomatic immunity. Aryan does...or he did...before it was revoked.
It was revoked by a "Kaffir.'
I know what you're thinking: "Lethal Weapon II?"
"This is about Lethal Weapon II?"
"What does Lethal Weapon II have to do with history?"
I'll tell you what it has to do with history.
Lethal Weapon II is just about the absolute greatest of all the Lethal Weapon movies & maybe all the action movies ever made in the history of action movies. That's what it has to do with history.
Do you know why it’s the greatest?
Leo Getz.
"Okay, okay, okay. They FUCK YOU at the drive-thru, okay? They FUCK YOU at the drive-thru! They know you're gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked! They know you're not gonna turn around and go back, they don't care. So who gets fucked? Ol' Leo Getz! Okay, sure! I don't give a fuck! I'm not eating this tuna, okay? "
He fucking made that movie didn’t he? He was funnier in Lethal Weapon II than he was 3 or 4.
After II they sort of gave up on the Roman numeral thing didn’t they?
If you swing by IMDB & you read the reviews on the Lethal Weapon movies, all the Neo-Cons hate II & 3 because of the extremist liberal politics behind them.
You know, because dolphins, apartheid, & machine guns are all somehow “extreme left-wing propaganda.”
There are also people out there that swear that 3 is the best & Leo is hardly even in it.
What's up with that?
But this isn’t really about Leo Getz. This is about Roger Murtaugh.
Roger Murtaugh is a “Kaffir” & Martin Riggs is a “Kaffir lover.”
Mel Gibson might not be, but Martin Riggs was...& he wore flannels before they were cool...Not that they're cool anymore, but once upon a time they were & Martin Riggs wore them....first.
Now before you get your panties in a bunch, I capitalized "Kaffir," just in case.
Still, what the hell is a "Kaffir?"
A "Kaffir" is a "Nigger" if you’re in South Africa & racist. It’s one of those strange South African terms, you know, like when they use the word “Magic” when they really mean “Awesome” or “Thank You.”
I capitalized “Magic” too, just in case you are reading this & you’re South African…this post is tricky, I really don’t want to offend anyone, I mean, we are talking about words & words are so important sometimes.
It’s no bull shit, words are important. The words we use, you can learn a lot about where you come from.
It’s like the Hittites. We can read their cuneiform because their word for “water” is pretty damn close to our word for “water” which means that they had European roots & used Middle Eastern writing. Somewhere there’s a story there that we haven’t pieced together yet.
Sort of like "Kaffir." What the hell is a "Kaffir?"
Well, you already know that it’s a really bad word. It’s a really bad word for a Black person in South Africa...It might even be a really bad word for an African-American in South Africa...Roger Murtaugh was an African-American & they used it on him...when he was in America.
So, yeah, I don't know how that works.
The thing is, before it was a really bad word for a Black person in South Africa, it was a generic word for “slave.”
It was actually a generic word for slave in the Middle East.
It dates back over 1,000 years. It dates back to a time that everyone was pillaging & raping...I guess everyone is still pillaging & raping...but today we call it "business." And if you don't like the pillaging & raping part we call you a communist. Because pillaging & raping has been business since the The Vereenigde Oostindische Compagnie...you know...the first company to issue stock.
One of my buddies used to argue with me about pillaging & raping. He says that pirates are famous for pillaging & raping. I say it’s Vikings & the battle continues….but we’re both sort of right, it’s just my pillaging & raping predates his pillaging & raping…Neither of us have actually either pillaged or raped, but, you know, we are willing to learn.
But I do have a point.
I promise.
The point is that before "Kaffir" was a bad word that the ugly South African bad guy with the Hitler hair-cut used to describe Roger Murtaugh when he broke into his house & duct taped him & his family, it was a generic term for slave in the Middle East.
Slave itself came into being because of, well, because most of the slaves in Europe were the Slavs & for a good chunk of time we had the Vikings to thank for that one too….& Normandy, & Dublin, & a lot of other things that you don’t think of as “Viking.”
We also have the Vikings to thank for "Kaffir."
You see, the Muslim Arabs were all about slaves. They had about as big of a slave trade with Africa as they did with Europe. For a long time, especially in their harems, the infamous sex slaves that were really nowhere near as erotic as Victorian erotic literature would have you believe…well…everyone prefers blonds.
Side Note: You have to really point out the "Muslim" in "Muslim Arab." Prior to Islam, the people doing all that trading had a religion where slavery was strictly forbidden.
It was called Zoroastrianism & Freddy Mercury was one.
It's important because you need to understand just how many slaves they were buying...so...you know how shit-faced you got the day you turned 21? Yup, it was sort of like that & for the exact same reasons...
...moving on...
Blonds have more fun…unless you were the preferred Arab sex slave. And if you were the preferred Arab sex slave, you came from a port in the Ukraine that now goes by another name & were traded by the Vikings to the Arabs, who could pronounce the original name about as well as you & I can.
It’s a common thing in language, we get new words because people from entirely different regions of the globe that speak entirely different languages have a hard time pronouncing &/or even spelling the native words for things.
Slavic languages, nope, I can’t tell where one word ends & another begins. It all sounds like a series of “Sh” & “Ch” & "Z” with the occasional vowel thrown in as sparsely as possibly.
You can’t blame the Muslims for butchering that one. I mean, yeah, when you hear Arabic, you can tell the words apart. You can’t do that with Russian. Russian sounds like you’re talking with your mouth full.
At any rate, that word “Kaffir” became the go-to word for any white slave that was NOT a Muslim. Later, that same word, became the Arabic word for “to cover.” You know, because most of those slaves were women & now you know why.
Genetically, those slaves are also why some Arabs have body hair. Just as a little side note. Before they really started doinking the slaves that the Vikings brought them, only the ones that could trace their heritage to Alexander & the Romans had chest hair.
Cool, right? Enough people came through that port to literally & forever change the genetic make-up of the Middle East.
Anyway, as we all know the Islamic Empires sort of expanded by the sword & went steaming into Africa & with that expansion came the Burburs who are the reason that Italian & Spanish people have olive skin & black hair when they all used to have blond hair & blue eyes.
For those of that have seen True Romance.
A LOT of fucking. A lot of raping & pillaging.
By then the Arabs were trading slaves with just about everyone they could, but their preferred slaves for their harems were the blonds that the Vikings traded them, who were the people that would later become the Russ, who we know as Russian today & were, yes, also Vikings, & no, not even then could we understand what they were saying.
They liked blonds so much, they started using the word "Kaffir" for all slaves…actually, it wasn’t because they liked them so much, it was because, over time, they forgot that they were calling them "Kaffir" because they came from a port & were pagan & not Muslim & because after so much time passes people started using the word for a literal port-of-origin for all slaves, regardless of religion, port-of-origin, or race.
It means that when they started stretching their slave trade to central & south Africa, the word for slave was simply "Kaffir"…which later became “to cover.” Since the word took on a new meaning, the Arabs changed their derogatory word for slave to “Abeed.” And I don’t know where Abeed comes from.
The thing is, South Africa is a very long way from Mecca & they never got the memo.
Slave remained "Kaffir" even after a series of different European colonies & because Europeans are bastards when they colonize people, the South African go-to insult for Roger Murtaugh became Kaffir & all of us Lethal Weapon fans were stuck wondering what the hell that meant.
I know what you're thinking.
Didn't the Dutch colonize South Africa?
Or rather, what you should be thinking is: "Didn't the Dutch East India Company colonized it. The Vereenigde Oostindische Compagnie?"
You know...the first company to issue stock.
Yes. In either case, yes...it was the Vikings that colonized South Africa...because, you know, the Dutch are Vikings too.
You're absolutely right. "Kaffir" is a word that racist South Africans use to call Black people that was originally a word that racist Arabs used to call the white Russ slaves, who were also Vikings, that were sold into the Middle East from a slave port in the modern-day Ukraine by...wait for it...the Vikings.
There is a lot of blond-haired blue-eyed Nordic blood behind the history for a racist word for a Black person.
It turns out, the most insulting thing a racist South African could think to call a Black man was the same word that the Arabs used to call white people.
Big old circle.
Apartheid...hmmm...I guess that's what happens when you let private for-profit companies control a government.
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